A new life beginning at age 93...

   My dad was born in 1919 and my mother in 1920. My father passed away several years ago, living well past his anticipated life expectancy age according to all the charts and graphs. My mother will turn 94 on her birthday in September and she would still like to drive. But for the safety of the others on the road, as well as her own safety and mine too, that is not an option, much to her disappointment.

   While my father seemed to have had just about everything in his body either removed or replaced, due to the marvels of modern medicine, my mother has lived a life free of illness, sickness or injury. And as for medications, it has only been recently that she has joined he ranks of those supporting the drug industry. 
   But time in now beginning to catch up and it is getting difficult for her to understand the changes that are taking place. Often she will ask and comment that she has been 'so healthy' all of her life, “why is this happening now?”  Up to this point I would remind her that she is 93 years old and sometimes, as one gets older, things change, the body and the mind don't work the way they used to work. But I don't say that to her any more.
   Looking back, the life expectancy of the generation of those born in the 1920's was anticipated to be between 55 and 60 years of age. Of course, there were always going to be exceptions and with the rapid advancements in the medical field, many lived well past what might have been expected and those born in more recent years may live well into their 80's. But watching my mother grow older may provide some important lessons for future generations and maybe even for me too.

   I don't remember too much about my grandparents, only that after a short time into what was then considered retirement, they passed away. As  my parents watched their parents grow older, I think they made the decision that life was going to be a bit different for them.

   My parents were able to retire while still fairly young, the results of a successful  career in public education, an antique business and  careful planning on the part of my father. 
   I can remember the talks, (no, not that talk!) well out of earshot of my mother, “Now this is what I have done and this is what should happen.” He expected that she would live longer that he would and... that was the case. But he too, was  into his 90's when he passed away.

   With somewhat safe and secure long term investments and a retirement pension from which to draw, they were able to travel and stayed fairly active. And their favorite activity? The “early bird special” at most the local restaurants in Florida of course! It was always hard to explain to our kids why, when we were visiting Grandma and Grandpa, we were having dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon, especially if we had just finished lunch an hour before. 

   As the years passed and life became a bit more difficult for them to live independently, it was time to seek some help and they moved into what is currently call 'assisted living.' My father fought the move, but after threats and some pretty stern discussions, he finally agreed and once there, he found there was still a great deal they could do, bingo, sharing stories from the past with new friends and acquaintances, bingo again  and a bit of musical entertainment every now and then.

   After his passing, my mother relocated to an assisted living facility a bit closer, making visiting and travel somewhat easier. Brand new, nicely decorated with family mementos, three square meals a day (although she might disagree), and ice cream snacks every so often, it provided her with an opportunity to continue to age with grace.

   But currently at 93, her world is quickly changing and while it is obvious for us to see and understand the changes taking place, it is not easy for her and these changes are  beginning to take their  toll on her. 
   She has been in and out of the hospital several times in the last 8 months, along with a visit or two to rehab to help regain some of her physical strength she loses after the hospital stays. But with each stay, with each 'event'  as we call them, it steals her enthusiasm for life and robs bits and pieces of her memory. For someone with a life so long and healthy, as she describes herself.....“I don't understand why this is happening to me? It wasn't suppose to be like this.”

   Each day her frustrations grow and her patience for the simple everyday tasks of life becomes shorter. It is difficult for us to know what she may be thinking and what she is really able to comprehend, only that we understand that for her “it's a new and very different life at 93...” 

Connecting the dots...

    As a young child  I wanted to learn to draw, but my skills were not very good and my parents didn't appreciate me using the walls of my bedroom as a place to practice.  There were no magic markers back in the day, only crayons. But crayons still presented a challenge when it came time to remove the scribbling from the walls. I was quick to learn that scribbling was what paper was to be used for.
   To improve my artistic skills, I can remember coloring books with the endless pages of 'connecting the dots'. Start with number 1, move on to number 2, and eventually it would become some identifiable object or shape. While the process of  connecting the dots was a good way to learn to draw, it did present an additional problem. One needed to know how to count. But with age came that skill too and eventually I moved on to 'paint by numbers'.
   Today, connecting the dots has new meaning. As each day dawns, often we are  faced with the challenge of connecting the dots in the lives we live. There are so many things we want to do but so little time.  And many times something unexpected happens and we become overwhelmed. Where do I begin? How do I get started? Analysis paralysis!! There are times that 'life is just too busy'.  How do I get back in control?
   The new meaning behind  connecting dots  is that if we take  time  to look back,  eventually we will see a path for a future... a picture or plan that will offer insight and direction. But it does mean looking back before moving forward, sometimes a difficult thing to do.
  In a recent response to a question posed to a state legislator regarding  the budget gap at the Department of Health and Human Services, the legislator  began by saying that in order to solve many of the State's financial problems and issues, we  needed to “connect the dots.” I am not sure if he was  speaking as a  Republican or Democrat. Maybe his response was a bit too glib, but it made good press. Perhaps he owned 'connect the dot' books like I did as a child in order to use that descriptive of solving the budget issues, but I don't remember seeing any pictures about  budget shortfalls.
   Over the years as I have grown older and I hope a bit wiser I better understand the 'connecting the dots' message. In one of his commencement addresses  by the late Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, Jobs spoke about connecting the dots and how past events and diverse life experiences helped shape his future. “You can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them by looking backwards. You have to trust that what you learn will somehow connect you to the future. You have to learn to trust in something, or in someone. You have to believe the dots will be connected  somewhere down the road.”
   As a child, connecting the dots in all of the books allowed me to learn how to make new shapes and designs and when I  finally learned to draw  without the dots or numbers I began to trust my abilities to create new shapes and new designs, ones that were bigger and better . Those early 'dots' provided the  confidence I needed to move forward.
   In life, the experiences one has, whether they be positive or negative, all serve a purpose. They provide each of us with our own collection of dots to be connected, dots to be looked back upon so that we can move forward..

                                   

It's Not Easy Being Green.....

   In my backyard I have two vernal ponds, nature made of course. A home for mosquitoes and other flying insects, they also are the home, this year, for almost a dozen frogs and it has turned out to be one of Lucky's favorite places to 'hang out' in the yard. Hoping to catch one of the little critters, he stands patiently, waiting for one to make its move back into the pond or pop his head up from beneath the surface of the water. As  Spring has transitioned to Summer, there seems to be a new and added respect by each, as they face off frog eye to dog eye and while Lucky would like to get really up close and personal, they are just a bit too quick for him. But that doesn't prevent him from continuing to try to get just a little bit closer. Always on guard and living in fear of the big black dog, "it must not be easy being green.”

   These are also the famous words in the title of a song that most of us, including my generation, may be familiar. Kermit the Frog of Muppet fame, hit the television screen in 1955 and over the years his wisdom and insight have offered suggestions and advice on living a happier life.

   Today, being 'green' is often associated with protecting the environment, but in his early life, Kermit struggled with his color and being who he was, something we all experience on occasion.

   I'll admit it. I am still a big Kermit fan, and to this day when I hear his squeaky little voice, it brings a smile to my face, even if the day is not going well and every day, according to Kermit, might not always a good day. In his unique way, Kermit is able to offer sound advice in order to get through the rough spots. Here are just a few of some of his suggestions...

                   ”Changes happen as time passes by. Soon enough we all grow up.”

                  “When green is all there is to be, it could make you wonder why, I am green and it'll do fine, its beautiful and it's what I want to be.”

                “With good friends you can't lose.”

                “Here's some simple advice: Always be yourself. Never take yourself too seriously...and beware of the advice from experts“

              Life's like a movie. Write your own ending.”

And maybe my favorite regardless of your age.....”Just because you haven't found your talent yet doesn't mean you don't have one!”

   It was the mid-1970's and we had just moved to Maine. I had accepted a position as assistant principal at an area high school, my first administrative experience. Like most assistant principal positions, I was in charge of student disciple: assigning detentions, suspending students for misbehavior and other related events, all of the things that make you popular with the students. 
   It was only about two weeks into the school year when I faced my first student suspension. I remember the student’s name and the reason for the suspension as if it were just yesterday. If I thought hard enough, I could probably remember the day of the week and the weather too.

   The student waited in my office as I called his mother to come pick him up and take him home. I calmly discussed the reasons for the suspension and the number of days he was to be out of school. On the outside, I tried to remain as cool as a cucumber, but on the inside, my stomach was doing cartwheels.

   As the mother left my office with her son, she continued to scream and yell at me and called me several names I have not heard since. As I finally sat back in my chair, she returned to the doorway of my office and said...”It's not easy being green, is it? She knew her son had been my first suspension! Those words have stuck with me forever.
   Aside from being a color, anytime we start something new we are all green at first, lacking the experience but always gaining confidence as we grow. The student's mom, despite her verbal rampage, had prepared me well. And when she stuck her head back into the office I knew everything would be OK.
                                        

"Hello little fellow, my name is Lucky. What's yours?

Rise! Rise!- ye citizens, your gates defend: behold the foe is at hand......

   As many of you may know by now, in addition to gardening and mowing the lawn, some of my time is spent buying, selling and trading antiques. I am far from being an expert, but I know what I like and do not like and that will often influence what I  purchase. The challenge is,  however, that sometimes with the best intention of selling an item to make a  little money so I can buy more, I keep it,  finding a spot somewhere in the house and add it to my ever increasing collection of “things.”

   Trunks and early wooden blanket boxes have always been a favorite. Most of the ones I buy are empty, but every once and a while one will come filled with surprises and rare finds, like old clothing, books and letters, offering an added look back into an earlier time and era.

   The letters can be the most interesting, revealing the loves, hates and deepest thoughts of the writer or family members. Letters written during the Civil War era can be very insightful about the time and have become very collectible.

   Clothing, although not one of my favorites, also reflects the culture and trends of  society. The amount of cotton, lace and silk might indicate the wealth and social status of a person or family.

   Often tucked away deep under the old clothing or blankets one might find early books and magazines. Today, buried near the bottom you might likely find a copy or two of a Playboy Magazine or Hustler, hidden and out of sight of a nosy brother or sister but in some of the older trunks, it would be more common to find old text books. Why someone would save an old text book I am not sure, but..... don't look on my bookshelves. OK. Some of those are old textbooks? Were the ever opened? They look brand new!

   On this particular day, between the dresses and hand sewn aprons was a copy of the “Rhetorical Reader; Instructions For Regulating the Voice.” About the size of a modern day paperback book, this one had a leather cover. Copy write date... 1839. What was even more interesting... on the title page was the printed notation of this printing being the fifty-second edition. Must have been very popular. Maybe even a classic!

   Written by Ebenezer Porter, D.D., the book was 'designed'  for use in academies and high schools. Filled with sample essays and various word pronunciation exercises, students, under the careful direction of the teacher were to read aloud the various passages, using proper word pronunciation along with appropriate voice and tone inflection.. It was the belief of the author that the art of reading and speaking well in public with convincing and confident voice were as important as the message being spoken. “Good speaking is of prime usefulness,” he is quoted as saying in the preface. Who, even in 2014, is not moved with emotion by the speaker who has mastered the art of proper verbal inflection, rhetorical pauses and phrasing and strength of voice with impeccable articulation.

   The leather bound book in the bottom of the trunk was well worn along the covers' edges with pages torn, dog-eared and discolored. Many pages were scribbled with notes, arrows, accent marks above certain  words and underlined  phrases in the numerous exercises at the end of each chapter.. 

   I am sure the book is filled with a history of lesson its own . Was its owner going off to Harvard College, was he a preacher, a politician, a member of Congress, a judge, a member of a 'higher' society, or someone seeking to escape the world of slavery by learning to speak with more authority and skill. (Because of the time and era of the printing, the author makes reference to only 'men' and the importance of public speaking.)

   Words can be powerful tools to influence, to foster change and to express deep emotions. When read on the printed page, they can express a particular level meaning, but when spoken with 'rhetorical notation' and emotion, as the book describes it, a skilled speaker can bring an entirely new meaning and understanding to the message.

   I doubt there are many schools or institution of learning that spend much time teaching the skills and importance of public speaking. There are probably very few who go to school each day with a copy of “The Rhetorical Reader” jammed in their back pocket along with their cell phone.

   But if public speaking should become important again and you want to get a head start by practicing, stand in front of a mirror and repeat  over and over 'with rhetorical feeling'…...”Rise! Rise!- ye citizens, your gates defend: behold the foe is at hand!”

Your town, my town and “Our Town”....

   The local news papers are filled with the schedules for upcoming high school graduations. It is a proud time for the graduates, parents and families and the teachers. Twelve, thirteen and in some cases maybe even more years of hard work will culminate with presentations, speeches and family parties and the possibility of a kiss on the cheek from a favorite aunt or grandmother who vaguely smells like lavender . And while graduations are often viewed as an ending, the reality is that it may be just a beginning.

   I recently overheard (eavesdropped) a discussion between a soon-to-be high school graduate and several adults. The adults' questions were pretty traditional: What are you going to do next year?......Any plans for the summer? And the soon-to-be graduate's responses was that he was taking the summer off and go to college in the Fall. I am getting out of this town,” he said in a firm and committed response. “I am tired of this small town.”

   Most seniors graduating from high school in Maine, and I suspect many other states as well, are graduating from high schools in relatively small towns. Small towns are part of our nation's fabric and as the line from the television show “Cheers” reminds us...'where everyone (or almost everyone) knows your name.'

   As a prerequisite to graduation though, I would require every graduate, along his or her family, attend a presentation of “Our Town,” a play written by Thornton Wilder back in 1938.

   Although it would come across somewhat dated, its message still rings true today. For those who read the play back and school but may have forgotten its content or for others who skipped class that day, “Our Town” is a three act play set in a small, fictitious town in New Hampshire back at the turn of the the 20th century and takes a looks at average citizens and their every day lives.

   What made the play a bit unique was that no scenery, sets or props were used and the actors used only mime and body actions, forcing the audience to use a bit of imagination to help set the scenes.

   The play is divided into three acts. Act I is about daily life, the comings and goings of ordinary people in Grovers Corner, NH. Act II is built around families, love and marriage and the stresses that can sometimes accompany relationships and families as they grow and change.

   Act III takes place in a cemetery just on the outskirts of town and has the audience look at life and death and those in town who passed away as well as  one person's search and struggle for eternity.

   Emily, a main character, dies during the birth of her second child but decides to return to Earth if only for just one day. After spending just a few minutes back on Earth she finds it too painful, realizing how much of her life should have been valued while alive, “living every minute to its fullest” and how many times the enjoyment of the 'living moments' went unnoticed or overlooked. Sad and disappointed, Emily returns to the afterlife, watching, as her husband grieves by her grave side as she returns to her resting place along side those who passed away before her in Grovers Corner.

   Listening to the soon-to-be graduate talk about “getting out of town,” I can understand the excitement about moving away and starting a new life, filled with excitement and new challenges. Growing up in a small towns can seem really boring and lack adventure. But the message in the play is still relevant in today's fast paced world, a world not  really much different than the one in 1938, remembering that life is all about people and what we value, not necessarily about where we are at a point in time.

   No matter where you go or where you settle, there will always be a world of ordinary people, people just like you and me, having  lived in places like Grover's Corner. Some may  become your friends, many will find similar jobs and careers. Others  will marry and raise families. Sometimes, during those ordinary days, there will be times of struggle and stress. But problems will be solved, solutions will be found and the next chapters of life begin again.

   What we often overlook or fail to remember is the message in Act III. Even in small towns where you feel that everyone 'might' know your name, you can learn the importance of the value of each and every moment of your life. Regardless of where you are headed or end up and sometimes in the eagerness to move on, we overlook the values taught to us in those small towns, by the people who were part of our lives, the lessons learned, not from my town or your town but..... from “Our Town.”

   Congratulations to the graduates of 2014 and may your lives be filled with the hopes, dreams and values of each and every “small towns.”