With the holidays just around the corner...

    It's hard to believe that it is October 1st already. Fall is in full swing. The leaves are painting the countryside with various shades red, orange and gold. The garden has born its last few vegetables for this year. The pesty little squirrels are scurrying about for nuts and other bits and pieces to stockpile for the winter, hopefully not in my garage again this year, though.
   Car and truck  trailers that hauled boats and other water craft just a few weeks ago have given way to snow blowers and arctic cats. Canoe and kayak carriers on roof racks are slowly being replaced by one to hold skis and snow boards.
   From the beginning of October to the end of December, the weeks are filled with holidays and special days. I can still picture Christopher Columbus on October 12th, anchored off the coast of somewhere, waiting to get permission from the harbor master to moor the fleet  so he can beginning his Christmas shopping at Kohl's.It's 30% you know!
   By the middle of the month, the Halloween candy is already on sale. Halloween. What a strange holiday. It's that one time of the year we can dress up and look frightful. Looked at yourself in the mirror lately? That may not be a costume you see. It's least a great time to stock up on candy for next few months.
   Not yet an official holiday, there is the season of 'deer camp', when razors are put aside, the refrigerator is stocked with beer and young boys listen to the exploits and tales of the elders, you know, about that big old buck that got away. ( The Red Sox have gotten into beard thing but I don't think it's for deer hunting!)
   Veteran's Day, November 11th, remains a day that our nation remembers those who fought for the freedoms we enjoy as a society today. Unfortunately, each year more names are added to lists of those killed or injured. Will the world ever become a place where people stop seeking reasons to destroy each other? (That may apply to the two party system in the U.S. as well!)
    By now many stores have replaced the 'summer sale items' with a mixture of fall, Thanksgiving and Christmas. The aisles are filled with the reds and greens of the  holiday decor.
   There are many accepted explanations of the origin of the red and the green for the Christmas season. The simple version, taken from the stories of Christianity, is that green represented eternal life while red was the symbol of the blood of Jesus Christ, whose birth we celebrate on Christmas. Remember that?
   A sure sign of the holiday season is the content of my mailbox, filled daily with catalogs and fliers. The most recent catalogs announce the pre-Christmas pre-sales. I assume we can anticipate a 'Christmas Sale and a post- Christmas Sale too. (And don't forget the free shipping, if ordered by December 23.)
   One of my favorite holidays is Thanksgiving. Don't get me wrong. I have always enjoyed Christmas, especially as a child. That enjoyment continues as I watch the  children and  grandchildren each Christmas morning. I guess Christmas really is about children.
   But, Thanksgiving has a much different message. For the turkey, I'm not sure the message is all that memorable, but for me, it really is an opportunity for reflection. Now, I know there is the “Let us give thanks” theme or “Do we really have to invite Uncle Harry? He is such a slob!” concern. It does seem to be the one holiday within 'the season' where there is not the fury of opening presents or the hubbub of rushing to the mall for the last minute gift, although those Christmas sales start earlier and earlier each year.. So what if the turkey isn't  quite done on time? Maybe we just need to sit back and enjoy the fellowship.
   Before long, the ground will be covered in a blanket of fresh white snow, Thanksgiving and Christmas 2013 will be a memory and before we know it, the seed catalogs will be in the mail.
   Ah...sweet Spring.

I'll have to get back to you on that...

   Monday was a terrible day. It was a day I should not have gone to work, maybe stayed home to read a good book or hit my thumb with a hammer a few times. Yes, the moon was almost full and people were generally not very friendly. I am sure it had nothing to do with me or what I was doing, but after hearing the word 'no' for who knows how many times, I decided to call it a day. I turned the car around and headed home. I don't generally give up that easily, but I was just tired and frustrated.

   One of the things I have discovered over the past several months is that there are many different ways to say 'no'. Some are quite clever and as you walk back to the car, it takes a minute or two to realize what just happened. Others are just mean and nasty. The clever ones have you walking away feeling somewhat satisfied that you did the best you could. The others? You want to hit them between the eyes with a 2 x 4. Who were your parents? I want to tell them how rude you are.

   We learn the meaning of the word 'no' at a very early age and looking back, I think it was sometimes said to protect us from danger or maybe from our self. “No”. Stop playing with that sharp knife.” But as we got older the word took on different meanings and intentions. “Can I use the car this Saturday night to go to the game? “NO!”

   I have found that a person's status, or where they think they are on the status scale, plays a major role in the way they say 'no'. For example, if a person feels they have an important job. they may show it off  with the use of the word 'no'. ( “No! Because I said so, that's why.”)  I have found this to be a common response from property managers.( They actually forget they do not own the building.)

   But those who truly understand their roles and responsibilities possibly got to that level because they learned different and more tactful ways to say 'no'. They learned to say 'no' with a bit of class. “I'm too busy” just doesn't cut it with me. We are all busy. Jerk!

   I am not naïve enough to believe that everyone is going to say 'yes' each and every time and there are times when saying 'no' is the correct response. But in our ever changing society where civility and respect appear to be a thing of the past, there are ways to deliver the message of 'no' and do it with respect.

Here are a few 'no's' that I have run across recently that do not reflect respect:

                            “What don't you understand about the word 'no'? “

                            “There is the door. Leave!” Now!

                             “Nope. No way. Not going to happen.

                             “Are you still here?”

There is an art to saying 'no' and not leave the person with the feeling of  rejection. It takes practice and skill and it helps if the person delivering the message has been subjected to 'no' of the uncivilized. Here are a couple of examples:

                         “I am sorry. It is a busy time. Can you come back again later ?”

                        “ I am not in a position to make that decision. I will need to check

                     with my supervisor.”

                        “ I understand how important what you are doing can be, but right

                     now is not a good time for us.”

                        “I would really love to, but......”

   And there are situations when sometimes 'no' actually means 'yes'. I call it the 'teaser'. It offers you a bargaining tool. “No, I can't see you today but if you come back in a few days...I might ....” The skillful listener will know when 'no' might mean 'yes' and if not a definite 'yes,' it might be at least a 'maybe'.

   One thing that I have come to appreciate the past several months....it's a challenge to do surveys, especially if they are coming from the government.. It really tests your personal skills to get someone to do something they may not really want to do. The same thing can apply to someone asking for cash or donations to an important cause. Asking complete strangers for money can be tough.

  So the next time someone knocks on my door...  what will I say to them? “I'll have to get back to you on that.”(I like that one the best!)

Fenway Faithful... revisited.

   Several months ago a wrote a column about the Fenway Faithful. At the time, the season was young, but looking good. It was too early to go out on a limb and make any predictions. But... if you haven't noticed, the Red Sox have rewarded their loyal fans with a division championship and a shot at becoming the World Series Champs.

  See what happens when you work hard, play as a team and most important...BELIEVE!

  Thanks for a great season and it's not over yet.

  Good Luck! Go Sox!

Signs of the time....

   I recently had the opportunity to spend a week in New Jersey. Jersey is not new territory for me. I lived there in my early years, graduated from high school at one of the area schools and after attending college out-of-state, moved about a bit until finally settling down in Maine. But every once and a while I find myself navigating the roads and highways of the Garden State. Each time becomes just a bit more challenging and sometimes exciting.

   ( I want to add here that the recent fire at the Jersey shore was a terrible event and I feel very sorry for the people there. I have fond memories of walking the boardwalk, playing the games and eating the seashore food delights. It truly has been a difficult year for the area, first the hurricane and now the fire.)

   There are two things that I noticed this trip. The trees seemed extra tall compared to what I remember. More significant was the amount of traffic on the roads, in some cases almost always bumper to bumper. Many of the locations I had to visit were only a few miles from where I was staying, but drivers in Jersey don't base travel on miles, they use a measure of time and often it can take nearly an hour to travel just 15 miles. Life in New Jersey seem to be dictated by the amount of traffic someone faces each time they get into the car. I can not imagine going to work each day, knowing I might spend an hour in the car before I get to the office.

   To assist people in their travel, the highway department has installed road signs, hundred of them. Some are the standard metal ones, common to most of us who drive, no matter where we live. A newer version are the electronic ones that flash warnings and alerts that can change at a second's notice with the flip of a switch at some DOT office some where. What caught my attention this trip where the message on the signs and how no one really cares. Metal or electronic, here are a few of my favorites.

   YIELD. Whether it is the old fashion yellow sign stuck in the ground or the flashing electronic one, I am not sure drivers have a clue as to what it means. From my driver ed class days, I thought I remember that it was to mean Yield Right of Way. But therein is the dilemma...who has the right of way? The answer is simple. Me! (I yield to... no one!) Perhaps the Yield sign has outlived its understanding.

   MERGE AHEAD. This one scares me a bit. Traveling at 75-80 mph and coming up on a Merge sign doesn't leave a great deal of time to plan. Merge left or right? Maybe the police car that just passed me with lights flashing and siren blaring will be able to tell me in a couple of minutes.

   SLOW TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT. This one is probably one of my favorites. Often paired with MOVE OVER, IT'S THE LAW! I think the intention here is to provide some space where someone can travel at a more reasonable rate of speed. A highway with eight lanes, four in each direction does not offer a slow lane and if you happen to be stuck in lane three and want to move to the 'right'...well good luck. You can try to use your blinker to signal your intention to those behind you, but it might be safer to stay where you are, close your eyes and just go with the flow. (There goes that police car again.)

   MAINTAIN CURRENT SPEED. (This one usually flashes on one of the electronic sign boards.) Truthfully, I have no idea what the intended message is here. Three drivers, one traveling at 55 mph, one at 65 mph and the third at 80. And maintaining your current speed is suppose to do what, create less traffic problems?

    EXIT RAMP LEFT. Aren't all exit ramps suppose to be on the right, especially when you have just maneuvered you way into the right lane for the last three miles, assuming you would be exiting to the right! Thank goodness to the GPS system in the car.”Recalculating.” I am waiting for the directions to say...”Turn around and go home!”

   Speaking of turning...NO U TURN. It's Rt. 4, almost rush hour. I can not believe the driver in the blue BMW just did a U-TURN at that stop light which is clearly marked NO TURNS. Wonder what his car insurance bills look like?

   STOP. Regardless of whether it is a busy intersection or a back country road, the word 'stop' is gradually working its way out of the English language. We just don't have time to 'stop' anymore, and this doesn't always apply to just driving either. We are a nation that feels  it has to be on the move. If we are not moving, then something must be wrong. Right?

   The trip to New Jersey was a success, seeing friends and family and completing a bit of work along the way. But it also reminded me that sometimes the road signs along the highway apply to more than just our driving, they might apply to life too. 

Better than sliced bread?

   I first learned about it almost 45 years ago. Since then it has become a mainstay of my tool box and work bench. There probably has never been anything invented that has had such an impact upon the lives of millions of people. Yes! You guessed it...Duct tape!

   My first encounter with duct tape was in the summer of 1965. It was a summer job and I was working at a local mechanical services shop that installed air conditioning and duct work. Imagine that. At one point in its history, duct tape was used to seal the seams of heating and cooling duct work. After inserting one end of the duct work into another, it was screwed together and then wrapped with duct tape to prevent cool air from escaping at the seams.

   Over the years, like many others, I found numerous other uses for duct tape.

   For example, I have used it to secure  pieces of trim that had come loose on the driver side door of my car.

    I recently noticed the owner of a car parked next to me in a local parking lot had a similar idea and was using duct tape to keep the passenger side door closed. Not sure how smart that was! But it seemed to be working.

   Many use duct tape to secure a broken pane of glass until it can be fixed. It may be so effective that the glass never gets replaced.

   Often an extra pair of hands can come in handy to help temporarily hold something in place. No vice or clamps available, a piece of duct tape comes in very “handy”.

   I know there have been people who have made dresses and other clothing from duct tape. Prom dresses seem to be popular. I actually find that to be a bit tacky, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I will admit that on occasion I have used a small piece of duct tape hold a pant cuff in place until it can be restitched, but an entire pair of pants? Not for me.

   Now sometimes I think duct tape gets a bad wrap. As useful and helpful as it can be, it has also been used in many practical jokes, like taping the teacher's desk drawer shut or wrapping a co-worker's mid morning snack in enough duct tape so that they will never get it out of the bag.

   A trip to the local auction reveals its role in keeping well used, well worn tools from falling apart in hopes that someone will purchase them. But duct tape used to keep a wheel from falling off a lawn mower? I'm not sure about that one.

   While there are many funny and humorous uses of duct tape, there have been some serious tragedies too. Adults have been known to duct tape a child to a chair or tape a child’s hands behind their back for hours and hours causing severe injury and maybe even death. I don't believe that was the intention of the inventor, but there is an evil side to society and unfortunately things will get used in ways they are not intended. (Wasn't that a social worker who duct taped a foster child to a chair a few years ago? )

   Duct tape is a member of the 'tape' family, others being scotch, masking and electrical. One of the actors they makes duct tape so useful, though is it's strength. Ever try to tear a piece off the roll and not use your teeth or scissors to assist? And sometimes there will be that last remaining strand of string that runs along the edge.....If you have ever had this happen to you, you know what I am talking about.

   I hope that's not a piece of duct tape wrapped around the wing if the airplane I am about to board. I know the tape is strong, but...My mistake. The maintenance person is using it to keep his pant legs from flapping in the breeze. That's a relief.

   Often I will take a piece of duct tape and as I remove nuts and screws from a piece of furniture, I will stick them to the tape so I won't lose them. I am sure no one else has ever thought of doing that. Now if I can just remember where I put that little strip of tape so I can put this table back together.

   The best use of duct tape however, may have been discovered by our Governor. Admitting that he often has a problem keeping his mouth shut, he has told his staff that he now has a role of duct tape in his desk drawer and “from now until election day, when I want to say something off color, I am going to tape my mouth shut.” 

   Sorry Gov. Not sure there is enough tape this side of the Mississippi River for that! 

And who are you waiting for?

   I recently overheard a conversation in the store the other day. It was obvious that one person was having a difficult time making a decision about something. The other , trying to move along said..."What are you doing, waiting for Godot to help you decide?" Godot?
    In the late 1940's Samuel Beckett wrote a play, “Waiting for Godot” in which two men wait endlessly for a character named Godot. The play was first performed in 1953 and its uniqueness has prompted numerous interpretations over the years. It certainly was not a musical.
   With vague memory, I remember tackling the play in a  foreign language class in high school. At that time and age, most of us probably missed the meaning of the play as we were more interested in sports, dating and fast cars. We were  waiting for no one!
   In a brief summary, Vladimir and Estragon meet near a tree and share with each other that each is waiting for a man named Godot. While waiting, they are joined by two others who act, sing and dance, but then disappear.
   Later a young boy arrives and says that he has a message from Godot. The boy tells the two that Godot will not be joining them this evening, but that he will be there tomorrow. The two  continue their discussion and the scene ends.
   The next night (Act II) the men meet again at the tree. They are joined by the other two men from the previous night, but this time the others are very old and do not remember ever meeting Vladimir and Estragon. They depart as they did the night before, leaving Vladimir and Estragon silently waiting for the arrival of Godot.
   The young boy again arrives and announces that Godot will not be coming. When questioned why after being told the night before Godot would be there, the boy insists that he had not spoken to them  before and did not know who they were.The play ends.
   Over the years the play has been analyzed, interpreted and analyzed again in an attempt to discover Beckett's  meaning and purpose. Some have suggested its political overtones while others its religious and spiritual meaning. When it appeared in the theaters in the 1950's and 60's it was seen as an 'existential masterpiece', written, in part, to encourage people to extend beyond the boundaries of everyday life.Today that is called 'thinking outside the box.' The search for its meaning still goes on  today as characters act out the roles and emotions on the stages in the small off-beat theaters  across the country.
   It has been a long time since I read the play back in high school. I didn't really understand its meaning then and not sure I do today. Perhaps it might be worth my time and curiosity to read it again, now that I am older and wiser.
   Instead of asking the simple question...”what's this all about?..I might understand that the play is a reflection of people looking to understand life. Perhaps I would understand that most of us go through life waiting for something to happen 'to us', like winning the lottery or having the perfect job offered to us rather than going out and taking personal responsibility to make something happen, being proactive. Perhaps I would better understand the difference between 'waiting' and 'doing'.
   Viewing the play again might help me understand why people  appear to go through life aimlessly, walking up and down the shopping aisles of a store or sitting on the front steps of a building watching life pass by, still hoping to meet someone who will change life for them. In reality the only people most  meet are much like themselves, people looking, waiting and hoping.
   There have been times that I have 'waited for Godot', waited for someone to walk up to me with  the hopes and promises  that  might change my life, But as in the play, Godot never arrives. Like the little boy who keeps coming back time after time with the promise that Godot would arrive tomorrow, it turns out to be nothing more than time spent waiting.