The Myth of Self.......

   Myth: any imaginary person or thing spoken as though existing. (Webster's New World Dictionary)

   Like many others, each day I usually glance at myself in a mirror, generally right after getting up each morning. On a short term basis I look pretty much the same day after day. Maybe I need a shave or to get a trim at the barber shop, but for the most part the image I see is  much the same face, the same person I saw the day before.

   On a longer term basis, however, my appearance has changed quite drastically and perhaps my self image as well. Gray hair, what is left of it, wrinkles and skin that has aged over time due to exposure to the sun, wind, rain and to life in general has transformed a once younger looking me into someone who looks like my father or maybe even ...my grandfather. Who is that person staring back at me in the mirror?

   We all have an image of how we see our self, or want to see our self, but the reality may be that if this is truly who we believe we are, how we see our self reflected back to us in the mirror, is it only a myth, a myth based solely on appearance or is it deception? Does it really reflect the person  we are?

   I am scheduled to meet someone at the airport as we will be traveling together to a meeting. When asked what I look like, to help locate me in the airport, I described myself as tall, dark and handsome. But the face staring back at me in the morning mirror is far from that image. I chuckled... and passed the comment off as wishful thinking and a smart-xxx remark. But I can always dream.

   We all have a picture of 'self' in our mind, the person we think we are. We force and reinforce that self image and perception by how we act, how we dress, perhaps by the job we have or the car we drive. We project that image by where we live or would like to live. Perhaps it is the type or style of house we live in, the furniture we sit on or the size of the outdoor barbecue grill we have when we entertain guests.

   I graduated from high school in 1964, making this year the 50^th class reunion. As with previous reunions, I did not attend. In the past, it was difficult to go because of work and family obligations. It is a long way to New Jersey. You know all the excuses as well as I do. This year though, now being retired, would have provided me with the time and opportunity, but I opted to stay home. If I didn't go to previous reunions, why go now?

   Being from a crowded northern Jersey community, the class was rather large, well into the 600-675 student range if I remember correctly. With a class that large it was difficult to know everyone. We all, or at least most of us, had our circle of friends back then. And then came graduation , college and stepping out into real life. The high school days quickly became a distant memory, except for the day Jerry Nardelly's sports car burst into flames in the student parking lot. Forgot to put out that cigarette didn't you Jerry 

   Back in high school, I was pretty active in school activities and saw myself as popular with my friends. But was that popularity all a 'myth of self?' Was I pretending to be someone I really was not?

   Several who organized the reunion have been posting pictures in a “reunion album”. Most attending the reunion looked ….......looked exactly like the reflection staring back at me in the mirror, people in their late 60's, gray hair, no hair, wrinkles, glasses and dressed to make themselves look much younger. Looking at the pictures I didn't recognize any one. Would they have recognized me? Perhaps that was the reason I didn't attend!

   I think there are two parts of knowing who you are, of knowing 'self'. First, there is the image that you have of yourself, the one you see in the mirror every day. But  there is the other part, that being how others, those you interact with each day, see you.

   In your mind you may see yourself as kind, gentle, patient, understanding, helpful, expressing concern for others, when in reality your behavior and daily activities express a much different message.

   For example. you may think of yourself as being an advocate for the poor, the homeless, those who struggle in life, when in reality what you do is not really for those you think you are helping, but only as a means to reinforce your own 'self.' Golly! I am a really wonderful person.

   To get a true and more accurate picture of who you are, of 'self', perhaps you have to look beyond the mirror. Yes, the shirt and tie may look great together, but all that really says is  you can match colors well. Will a nice shirt and tie have any effect on how you interact with the people around you? It says very little about 'character.'

   Perhaps we are not really who we think we are. In our own mind are we just a 'myth?'